"Meow, I am Tigger Two-Ton, why you ask, because I am 24 lbs of Hunk a Hunk a Burning Love.  I need a furever home to put me on a diet and love me.  I am 12 years old and fully vetted, my owner died, so my companion,  Sunshine and I are grieving but very loving.  Everyone is amazed when they see me because of my size and personality, I will keep your couch warm for you by your side, not your lap, it will not hold me.  Please choose me to be your Maine Coon Boy."